CBT app review | Two weeks with Moodpath

Screenshot from Pokémon Let's Go, Pikachu! with a textbox reading: "Ah! And now we have Depression as well! What fine timing."
Photo credit: u/GracefulSnorlax on Reddit

The irony being, I’m only writing again so the CBT man won’t tell me off

Since I last updated you, I’ve started doing some cognitive behavioural therapy (CBT) with my local wellbeing service. It’s been… a mixed bag, actually, but one of the more interesting bits of homework they’ve given me was to download and try some CBT apps.

I’d already been tracking my mood with apps like A Year In Pixels on iOS (free, with in-app purchases) and the distinctively-named Year in Pixels on Android (also free, also with in-app purchases). The apps have you choose a coloured square to represent how your day went – say, orange for “mediocre” or green for “great”; as the squares build up, they develop into a sort of superficial, glanceable overview of how good or bad your life is. Which – for me at least – lead to a whole bunch of existential dread, like, “Oh, shit, my life is overwhelmingly ‘average-day orange’; what a flat, repetitive, Groundhog Day-esque existence I must lead.”

There’s an app for that

Thank goodness for Moodpath, then. Available on iOS and Android (free, with the least obtrusive in-app purchases I’ve ever seen – see below), Moodpath was developed in collaboration with therapists and scientists and offers a far deeper, more reflective take on mood journaling, insightful fortnightly reports about your mental health and what your symptoms might mean, and even printable letters to take to your GP.

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The irony being, I forgot to make the title of my blog make sense

I’d thought of it a few days before I wrote my first post, and I was chuffed with it, because it’s meant to be like, “The Irony Being, it’s a blog about ADHD and I won’t ever actually remember to update it”.

And then I forgot to reflect that anywhere on the blog, so I just looked crazy.

Fixed, I guess.

The irony being, I just impulse-bought a fidget cube

Uh, hey.

I challenge you to think of a better time than “1am on Christmas morning” to start a new ADHD blog. Just gonna embrace the little flash of inspiration that’s come my way and not worry about it too much.

Things to know:

I’m Mike. I’m a UK ADHDer. I was diagnosed in Year 3 of primary school (so, about 7 years old), and from what I remember from back then, the advice was pretty much, “try to stick to a routine and don’t eat food additives”. I don’t know how much any of that helped, but I know I fucking hate carob.

Since then I’ve sort of bounced around the education system (managed to get a degree but hated every second of it), meandered through a bunch of entry-level retail jobs, and… honestly, I’ve not done badly. I’ve never “struggled with” or “suffered from” ADHD, other than one rough patch in my final year of uni which, until recently, I’d always thought was depression, and… yeah, the entirety of the last several months.

I’m 29 now.

I’ll go into more detail as I go along, but suffice to say it’s been tough, and unexpected, and difficult for me to really understand.

Low points: locking myself in the downstairs loo and shaking with anger because I lost focus 50 minutes into a one-hour episode of The Bridge, and couldn’t follow the plot any more. Crying because I looked at a tub of tomato and basil sauce, and instantly felt defeated because I just didn’t have the energy to measure out a cupful of it for the recipe I was making. Crying because I tried to explain to my boyfriend why the Tomato and Basil Sauce Incident upset me so much, and couldn’t get my words out because I was having too many thoughts all at once.

I’ve been back to the doctor’s. I’m on the waiting list for a telephone consultation with my local wellbeing service, so they can hopefully put me on a second waiting list to have my first ever round of CBT.

I want medicine. I don’t know how to get medicine. I suspect it “doesn’t really work like that”, what with all the NHS red tape and such.

I want my “old” life back. I want to go back to being forgetful and saying dumb things but being mostly OK. I don’t know where to start. I’ve been doing some research. I’m going to share what I learn, whenever I remember and/or have the energy to do so.

Today I watched a video review of a fidget cube and blew £20 on it, which made me laugh because I totally used “this will help with my ADHD!” to justify blowing money on an ADHD-fuelled impulse purchase that I only reeeeeally bought because I was bored.