The irony being, I just impulse-bought a fidget cube

Uh, hey.

I challenge you to think of a better time than “1am on Christmas morning” to start a new ADHD blog. Just gonna embrace the little flash of inspiration that’s come my way and not worry about it too much.

Things to know:

I’m Mike. I’m a UK ADHDer. I was diagnosed in Year 3 of primary school (so, about 7 years old), and from what I remember from back then, the advice was pretty much, “try to stick to a routine and don’t eat food additives”. I don’t know how much any of that helped, but I know I fucking hate carob.

Since then I’ve sort of bounced around the education system (managed to get a degree but hated every second of it), meandered through a bunch of entry-level retail jobs, and… honestly, I’ve not done badly. I’ve never “struggled with” or “suffered from” ADHD, other than one rough patch in my final year of uni which, until recently, I’d always thought was depression, and… yeah, the entirety of the last several months.

I’m 29 now.

I’ll go into more detail as I go along, but suffice to say it’s been tough, and unexpected, and difficult for me to really understand.

Low points: locking myself in the downstairs loo and shaking with anger because I lost focus 50 minutes into a one-hour episode of The Bridge, and couldn’t follow the plot any more. Crying because I looked at a tub of tomato and basil sauce, and instantly felt defeated because I just didn’t have the energy to measure out a cupful of it for the recipe I was making. Crying because I tried to explain to my boyfriend why the Tomato and Basil Sauce Incident upset me so much, and couldn’t get my words out because I was having too many thoughts all at once.

I’ve been back to the doctor’s. I’m on the waiting list for a telephone consultation with my local wellbeing service, so they can hopefully put me on a second waiting list to have my first ever round of CBT.

I want medicine. I don’t know how to get medicine. I suspect it “doesn’t really work like that”, what with all the NHS red tape and such.

I want my “old” life back. I want to go back to being forgetful and saying dumb things but being mostly OK. I don’t know where to start. I’ve been doing some research. I’m going to share what I learn, whenever I remember and/or have the energy to do so.

Today I watched a video review of a fidget cube and blew £20 on it, which made me laugh because I totally used “this will help with my ADHD!” to justify blowing money on an ADHD-fuelled impulse purchase that I only reeeeeally bought because I was bored.

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